| Falling asleep |
[21 Sep 2009|06:40pm] |
in the Baldy Hall computer lab, located in a basement that screams: bunker. I'm honestly not going to make it through my class tonight (7:00-9:40) without leaving puddles of drool on the desk. My face is going to melt through it. Coffee. I need coffee.
Otherwise, things are going alright. I had started smoking again this summer, after quitting for a year and eight months, but have recently decided to abandon it again: this is day 4. Class is going well, I'm busy and I think that's good for me. Still looking for a reasonable part-time job that will work around my class schedule.
Quite happy with the smells of Fall, hoping this will be a really great season. I am going to make vegan lasagna this week and, if I feel exceptionally ambitious, some pumkin muffins.
Discovery of the week: Silk makes a fantastic soy-based coffee creamer. My life has been changed in a way that cannot be described accurately. <3
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[02 Aug 2009|12:15pm] |
Let's discuss the fact that I had to--well, in my opinion--break my lease and move out of "the greatest location in downtown," because of, for the second time in my renting history, a goddamn roach problem that, for also the second time in my renting history, the management/landord didn't feel very inclined to fix in any way. So, to state the obvious: they kept my deposit, and I am extremely poor. My new place is quite lovely and very empty because I sold some of my very few possessions to subsidize my lost, lamented, $625. Which doesn't sound like much, but combined with an added deposit and month's rent at this new place, I basically spent $2630 in a month. A month that I lived out of a suitcase.
Such items that I sold included:
-Trek 1000 54cm Road Bike (gorgeous).
-Ebony Finish Cello.
-Futon (my living room is quite spacious now).
Items I am considering to sell:
-My soul (any takers?)
-Dvd's.
-ipod nano 8gb.
Classes start at the end of August, and I am so very excited about finally starting my graduate studies. Applying for a graduate assistant position in Eileen's office, but I have a feeling my godawful resume might prevent that from happening.
Here's the truth: Ikea, I will make a pilgrimage to you and everything will be fine.
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[13 Jul 2009|08:59am] |
Since moving to Buffalo, I've been frequenting Amy's Place an incredible amount, riding my bike everywhere, and exploring and meeting people. I think I like it here. The apartment is pretty big for my needs, a little expensive, but it has an overhead fan in the living room area so that's quite nice. I never realized how dependent I am on the internet until I moved here--needless to say, I'll be ordering service for August. Yeah. I'm excited for classes to start, and I have a strange sense of time running away from me but it feels okay.
Also, on impulse, I got an ampersand tattooed on my left foot. All in all, things could be much worse.
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[25 May 2009|09:27am] |
Livejournal, we used to hang out every morning with coffee (with caramel instead of plain sugar) and Hey Mercedes: Every Night Fireworks. This was how our days began, and it was very nice.
I found an apartment to move into for the month of June, and it's on Allen right where everything is. So, this will hopefully give me the opportunity to find my own place the fully move into by July. I'm excited but also nervous about starting grad school finally. I know I'm still a young person, but sometimes I can't help but think that I wasted the three intervening years between. I'd like to think I needed that time to get things straight, and I know I did.
Oh, the apartment I'm moving into is Pat Sheil's place, and I will be taking care of his kitten Lulu while I'm there. So really, things aren't that bad at all. I have a good feeling about this summer.
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[18 Apr 2009|12:10pm] |
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Things are closing in towards deadline. I am still looking for an apartment in Buffalo, so far it's a disheartening endeavor looking for a one bedroom with reasonable rent, and with distance to the unsafe parts of the city. Approved for the financial aid I need, which is wonderful. I'm about to head to Cleveland again, out of random luck my sister's coworker had two extra tickets to see Flight of the Conchords tomorrow, and offered them to us. Exciting! It's beautiful outside for (I can't believe it) two straight days in a row.
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[24 Mar 2009|12:04pm] |
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Doing some work with my old boss to help him out, and also make some extra money. Still waiting on my last letter to get into admissions, so I won't know about UB until a few weeks after that happens. Holding off on apartment hunting until there's certainty in the air... anxious about things. I need to get rid of a lot of things, maybe a yard sale is in order once the weather is more consistently nice. It's officially spring, and I'm looking forward to some quality bike rides.
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[01 Mar 2009|12:52pm] |
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Well, here's what's going on: I have a 3mm kidney stone, and a swollen prostate. I'm on antibiotics, and old man prostate drugs. I have hydrocodone and hopes that it'll pass swiftly. DANG.
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[11 Feb 2009|02:44pm] |
Three more days of Kaletra, four days in confinement, and then I'm done. A week later I get paid, and I can enjoy my first cup of real coffee in what will then be a full month without it. I'm trying to make my resume look good, but it's quite empty, depressing, uninspiring. The meeting was encouraging, I'm applying and hopefully starting the program in the fall. I hope it's the right thing to do.
There isn't much else; I'm looking forward to spring, I'm trying to remain optimistic, but I wish I could erase this past year and start over. At least in a month or two I'll be able to ride my bike often. That's something at least!
Haha my goodness, send me a sign.
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[26 Jan 2009|12:05am] |
Returned from Cleveland this evening, promptly sealed window with blankets to (hopefully) prevent the draft, and all in all things have a strange and calm feeling to them. Not a lot to report. I've been accepted into a medical study that pays $3,000 and it starts within the week, the thought of having some money to move with is nice. Also, operation: winter beard is in full effect. A little horrible, but a little warm. Library Science? Yes. There's a meeting for prospective students on the 9th that I'm attending. Our heating bill for this past month--and no, it wasn't estimated-was $292.71. Honestly. My sister is now 30, I'm feeling very strange today, but also I found a pair of Diesel shoes that fit nicely for $25, when the original price was $89.99.
I used a lot of dollar signs in this post, sorry about that.
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| Microphones in the trees |
[13 Jan 2009|12:03am] |
...Cameras in the sky.
I haven't listened to this in ages, mostly because it got lost with my old hard drive, but Brandon sent it over; it's been on repeat for a little while, now. I'd like to start writing again, but I've been having a hard time getting motivated lately.
Open house for the MLS program in buffalo on February 9th, hopefully it will be encouraging, because I can't think of anything else I'd like to do, besides teach maybe. Half of me envies the people that easily accept(ed) the way our culture works, found their grain to grind away in, bought homes, and on and on. The other half is a little glad, at least to a small extent, because I have a certain freedom that they no longer have... I'm starting to really wonder. It's cliche, but what everything really boils down do is a silly question that no one likes to answer: what do I really want to get out of life before I die? Right now, I would settle for a little consistency. I haven't written in here in awhile, because the things I've been thinking and wanting to say would end up getting deleted anyways. It hasn't been very good.
So, it's back to the good old times, where I hide in my room and try not to hear my ambition walking out the door with a sign around it's neck, "Will Work For Food."
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| All of a sudden I miss everyone. |
[02 Dec 2008|02:33am] |
I'm back from my visit to Rochester and, consistent with the usual pattern, I feel like I barely got to see anyone/everyone. It's always so hard going back because I want to see everyone that I miss, and there's never the time to properly do so. Lately I feel the need to apologize to everyone. Walking out of the Express (my first time ever entering this store) fitting rooms I ran into Erin O'brien, who I haven't seen in over six years. I actually found dress shirts that fit well, and also I was able to briefly talk to this really great girl that I also feel the need to apologize to. For those of you that I currently know, and realize how socially awkward I can be, trust me, I have made drastic improvements since I had last spoken with Erin. More and more, I'm trying to figure out why I have continued to push people away for so long.
Oh well. Right now I need to focus on finding a job in the area that will carry me through May, when I will hopefully be moving to the Buffalo area. I need to focus on school applications, and remember that it will all pass. I think about dying a lot lately. Not in a positive or negative connotation, I just think about what it means. How should I live my life if I'm still not sure what I think about assigning meaning to it? I've decided to just try and do the best that I can. I don't think about killing myself like I used to, I just think about how much time I've wasted and how much I'd like to move forward.
Also, I wonder if I'm still catching up on the sleep I didn't get between the years 2001-2006. If everything has a number assigned to it, I'm pretty sure they all end up being an even one eventually. That's a good thing, I think.
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[21 Nov 2008|06:59pm] |
A few points of interest:
First, and foremost, there is a new Children Of Bodom album, entitled "Blooddrunk," and it is ridiculously entertaining. I'm cleaning up the room and currently there is a keyboard solo blaring from the speakers. YES.
Second, I'm applying to a few programs that start next fall, and I'd like to expand my search beyond what I've already decided to apply to, but my main goal is to get accepted to an Adolescent Education certification program. I think that I avoided this route so long because I was, and to some extent remain to be, afraid of influencing young people's lives. I need to get over it and on with it. Except for Bill, my high school advanced drawing teacher, most of the adults that I looked up to and respected were my English teachers, maybe I can have a positive influence like they did. I hope so, certainly. That's getting ahead of myself, I'm not so sure that Buffalo State is really that interested in me.
It finally snowed (!) and though it's terribly cold to walk in, it's quite beautiful outside. I'm looking forward to my time in Rochester, I've been in a slump for awhile now and the change of scenery will do my heart wonders. I've been rereading The Dark Tower, and I've got my foot in the door of the fourth book of the seven right now.
On January 3rd, I'm going to get another tattoo to celebrate my one year anniversary without cigarettes (booyah!).
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[06 Sep 2008|10:02am] |
so a funny thing just happened.
remember awhile back when I would write about Nicole often? wait, let me back up a little. I'm back on facebook. I'm drinking my coffee and messing around on there, poking around. on a whim I searched her name for old time's sake. there's a new function on facebook where if you misspell someone's name, is asks "did you mean...?"
I've been spelling her name wrong for like 15 years.
she went to Northeastern.
I don't think I'm going to message her, I'd feel a bit strange about it.
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| have I been hacked? |
[29 Aug 2008|12:37pm] |
strange.
did I mention that I started drawing again? this past year I really haven't existed properly, and I've realized that I have felt much older than I am. like I've lost time. it's only been a couple years since graduation, and I've been busy for most of that time. last night I got paid for a free dinner and sleepover party at the bcrc. current feelings: hopeful but tired.
my new goal: grad work come next fall. I need a where and why and some good luck.
I'm going to try a new thing where I keep my word.
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[17 Aug 2008|01:27pm] |
well, I weighed in at 126, it seems that I qualified for thee study. a grand in my pocket.
this weekend was the weekend of the past!
BC came to town, as did Mike Bisson and Brie. I had to work all day yesterday, but I got to visit shortly with them friday evening. and it looks like I've found a bike for myself, Bud is selling his Trek, and I snapped down like a vulture at that opportunity. I'm so excited to have a bike again. I'm not sure when I'll be in Rochester to pick it up, but that's something to look forward to. I'm going to focus and look into schools, figure out a plan, find a job to keep me going until school (if I get in), and see what happens.
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[13 Aug 2008|06:39pm] |
you know you're really reaching for the stars when you spend the day carb loading and eating like shit even though you aren't hungry, to ensure that you maintain a high enough BMI score to participate in a medical research study. it's a charming life. I can't believe that I'm normally not even on the CHART for the american body mass index. I have to weigh at least 125 on friday, and I'll make a grand. then I can quit my job and find a better one/apply to graduate schools. why oh why didn't I get a more useful degree?
so far in 2008 I've made pretty good progress with my reading. I forgot what reading for pleasure felt like, and I haven't read this much since being in school. pretty much, that's the only good thing I have to say for myself right now. thanks everyone that wished me a happy birthday, it made me really happy to know you were thinking of me.
so far being twenty-five feels decidedly... blank.
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| From Chrisy, I think she meant me. |
[23 Jul 2008|11:38pm] |
THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
~ Joshua (David)
~ Joshy, though it's been awhile.
~ Zooey Williams
THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
~ le october sky
~ as he cried
~ dunkngoats (very first!)
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
~ eyes
~ my broken nose
~ my newest tattoo
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON’T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
~ my weight
~ my strangely shaped feet
~ my first tattoo
THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
~ Italian
~ Greek
~ Polish
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
~ Pop culture
~ That I'm not more worried about my future
~ The number of people in the world
THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
~ Coffee
~ Music
~ Conversation
THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING NOW:
~ black jeans
~ black t-shirt
~ white socks
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS:
~ Thee Silver Mt Zion
~ MeWithoutYou
~ Radiohead
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS (RIGHT NOW):
~ Bags Of Bones - Owen
~ Light - Thee Silver Mt Zion
~ Go Greyhound - The Tony Danza Tapdance Extravaganza
THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
~ Comfort
~ Honesty
~ Excitement/Immediacy
TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE, IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER:
~ I think I picked the wrong major for myself in college
~ I prefer dogs over cats
~ I haven't officially dated since 9th grade
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
~ Collar bone
~ Hands
~ Eyes
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
~ Painting/Drawing
~ Rearranging/Cleaning
~ Reading
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
~ Take some painkillers
~ Sleep
~ Make a phone call
THREE CAREERS YOU’RE CONSIDERING/YOU’VE CONSIDERED:
~ Paralegal/Legal Assistant
~ English Teacher
~ Nurse
THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
~ India
~ Italy
~ Australia
THREE NAMES YOU LIKE:
~ Sebastian
~ Skyler
~ Jana
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
~ Get published
~ Build a house
~ Dispose of my feelings of shame
THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL:
~ I straighten my hair with a flat-iron
~ I have been obsessed about my weight forever
~ I enjoy chick flicks, and often cry during them.
THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
~ I use power tools at work
~ I enjoy playing football...
~ At the end of a long day I want nothing more than a pint of good beer.
THREE PEOPLE THAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO SEE TAKE THIS QUIZ:
Amy, Patty, Brandon, and anyone else who is bored and wants to take it.
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[14 Jul 2008|12:33pm] |
I'm drinking a cup of coffee, waiting for Cory to get back to me about work today. he's not feeling well, trying to eat something, so it's still uncertain if we're working this afternoon. it's strange, half the time I regret not going straight to my graduate work, and the other half I'm glad that I'm staying out of the corporate, desolate, world for a little while longer. certainly it's a tradeoff analysis, benefits versus maybe giving up some ideals I've held for years, and so on. I know someone from Webster that works at a company that builds and sells tools of war, essentially. extreme example, but we used to critique each other's poetry and talk about how we should somehow promote peace. I guess I'm just saying I don't want to sell out, and be more stable but less happy and free. I'm looking into ways to settle for something in between both extremes, I think. the idea of moving to Alaska for a couple years is sounding more and more attractive to me.
I need to rent (or borrow if anyone has it) Into The Wild. I slept like the dead last night, and my mind feels exceptionally clear today. I've made a mental list of what I'll do with the rest of the day if Cory doesn't feel well enough to work. it's a perfect day to walk to the park and start a new book. I need to read Johnny Got His Gun, but I think I might tackle Catch-22 first.
cheers, everyone.
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[28 Jun 2008|10:44am] |
I think I'm going to start another book soon. I needed a few days to take everything in from The Dark Tower, and now I feel ready to begin something new. it's just so strange that my travels with everyone are over, after all that time dedicated to them. Brian let me borrow his copy of Choke, and I think I'll read that before the movie comes out in August. should be a short, and I hear awesome, read.
three weeks to the day, and then I'll have my first thought out tattoo put on me. that's exciting! still contemplating exactly what to cover up my first one(s) with. my mom and I are getting the blue birds of happiness tattooed this summer, this is also very awesome. it's nice to have a few things to look forward to.
I need a good recipe for chana masala.
and MORE COFFEE.
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[22 Jun 2008|02:19pm] |
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I'm usually not into fantasy, though I'm not quite sure what to categorize this as, and now my life is ruined. I'm halfway through book seven of The Dark Tower, entitled The Dark Tower. so wish me luck, you won't hear from me probably until I'm finished with it.
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